No Mentor, Is it true ?

Updated: Jun 8





Why A Mentor?

You can google to find stuff only if you know what you are looking for. A mentor is a person who helps you to identify the unknown.


We feel intimidated by our self-pride to reach out to someone for help even when we feel we are not able to handle or manage the situation all by our self. Getting mentored does not mean being provided with a solution to your problem by some one more experienced in the topic.


A Mentor helps you think in the right direction so that you can find out the apt solution for your problem. Just like a diamond needs to be carved out with ample pressure and time to become that sparking gem, we humans also need a mentor to make our inner mantle shine through.


Swami Vivekananda, who was considered to be one of the Saptarishi of the Vayumandal, needed a guru in the form of Sri Ramakrishna, to guide him towards his life’s ultimate goal and his realization of GOD.

“A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” - Oprah Winfrey

Who is a Mentor?

A mentor is a subject matter expert who motivates you to achieve your higher purpose of life,helps you build your confidence, provides you guidance and emotional support.


Some classic examples of mentor mentee relationship is of Krishna and Arjun from the great Indian epic Mahabharata. Where Krishna gave direction to Arjun by explaining him the importance of karma.


Other examples are Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela, where the later was inspired by the former and started the movement of apartheid. Other more contemporary examples of mentor and mentee relationship is between Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, Sachin Tendulkar and Videndra Shewag.


More often the words mentor, coach and counselor are used interchangeably. But it is very important to know the difference between them. Let me explain. Mentoring is a long term, informal and unstructured methodology between a subject matter expert and a less experienced mentee. Whereas coaching is a sort term, more formal and structured approach. In coaching the coach need not be a subject matter expert. On the other hand counseling is more therapeutic rather than supportive. It is mainly done by a medically certified personal like a physicist or a psychotherapist.




What was I thinking?

When situations are convenient and as per your expectation, you typically don’t pay much attention to all these. It’s only when you are thrown into a well without knowing how to swim, you start flapping your arms and legs to get that breathe of fresh air to survive. I was no exception to this.


Throughout my education or early work experience, I had always been a solution provider. Never did I experience a challenge which I was not able to solve on my own. This created a certain scene of pride of “me knowing it all” attitude. I never realized that I would need a mentor.


There was another factor that contributed to this and it was the trust factor. I did not trust people easily. I had to be fully sure, so that I am not hurt. This fear of getting hurt usually comes from weaker emotional management system. It comes from not understanding the fact that, you cannot control how others behave but you can definitely control how you react to them. This is another topic, which I will discuss in a separate blog.




Where I found a mentor?

You don’t find a mentor, a mentor finds you. It all depends on how hard you are trying and how much patience and energy you are willing to devote in the process. I kept looking for one such mentor for quite some time.


Initially I approached people from my company, but due to some unavoidable circumstances, things did not materialize.I then turned my hopes towards different books, articles, family members, gurus. Where there is a will, there is a way and among them I found the learning's of my life.


We often tend to overlook the qualities of our family member, by focusing mostly on their negatives aspects and ignoring the positive ones. There is some something to learn from everybody. It all depends on how untiringly you are trying to learn.





Family is your strength.

Listening is an art and it takes quite an effort to master it. When some is talking, all you have to do is to keep your ears open and forget about the rest of your body. Make sure that you are carefully and attentively listening to each and every word the other person is uttering from his mouth.


If you listen closely, even your child can sometime teach you the greatest truth of life. And hence I started to look for good qualities in others that I can get inspired from.


For Instance from my husband I learned to be persistent with anything I took up. Another thing I picked up from him is his determination and dedication.


From my dad I picked up his will power to fight back every situation and never back down attitude. Another important quality I picked up from him is, If you are given a gift, use it for the betterment of others.


My mom inspired me to have faith and believe in the supreme power. She also taught me to prioritize kids as they are our responsibility till they reach adulthood.


From my Mother in Law I learned to be calm, cool headed irrespective of any situation. To be able to take people along with you to reach a common goal and destination.


From my late grandmother I learned the importance of being punctual and following a routine.

The list is endless.....

The point is you can learn a great deal from your own family. All you have to do is focus on their good and ignore the rest. This will not only help you to get direction in your life but will eventually make the relationship with your loved ones much better than before.





From Guru’s

Social media has the power to direct our lives either in a good way or otherwise. What matters the most is how we intent to use it. Do we trail towards the right or to the wrong,the choice is completely up to us.


I choose to take the positives and filter out the negatives from the social media. I follow various gurus, spiritual speakers and saints in social media. Out of all, two people who have influenced me the most is Rhonda Byrne of “The Secret” fame & Sister Shivani of The Brahma Kumaris .


They both talk about similar concept “Law of attraction", but in a different context. “The Secret” talks about manifesting things you want in your life, where as, The Bramha kumaris talk about doing the right deed and keeping your karma clean will help you manifest what is right and apt for you.


There might be other religious or spiritual gurus who talk about the similar concepts,but in them I found the real source of happiness. I get my daily dose of motivation by watching at least 40 to 45 minutes of motivational talks by these gurus.


Last but not the least “your conscience is your biggest mentor”. Listen to it carefully an you can never go wrong in your actions, thoughts and intentions.


To Sum it All: These have worked for me and my lifestyle and circumstances and hence these are completely my personal views and practices that assisted me. Every individual is different, what works for one does not necessarily works for the other. That is where the role of a coach comes into picture. I would be glad to help you. You can reach up to me by subscribing to my website or by emailing me. Also you can check the existing helps offered in my “My Offerings” section of my website. Below are some resources that you might find helpful.


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You might also like to read these too :


1. Journey from XL to XS: How I lost 20 Kg without spending a penny


2. Feeling Captive? How to Handle the current lock down situation ?




Image Credit : wix.com unplash.com


Resources:

1. https://www.micromentor.org


2. https://findamentor.com/


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